Introspection

Back!!!

2009-06-17T13:25:00.000-07:00

Out of the shell, i peer again - Hi World! Look, it's me!! I don't know how long it will take before i crawl back. Into a shell for years of silence till the spell is broken again. Til then, all i've got to say is - I'M BACK!!!!

On Her Trip to Singapore

2008-06-04T02:51:00.000-07:00

You leave for better prospects,
to pursue your quest for knowledge,
- in honor of a God, so great,
You are taking a bold step forward..

There will be storms and obstacles,
all of them mere tests and trials,
and through it all, my darling sis,
remember that He stands;
Ever so near, holding you dear,
reminding you, who you are -
You are His child, my little sis,
the apple of His eye...

We cannot always be there to wipe your tears,
to hug and kiss or hold your hand,
but have no fear my little one,
My God - He is and always will be there
to hold your hand, to comfort you
My God - He is always there

He guided me, He will guide you
To a greater hope and a brighter future.
Remember this, our dear only sis,
"A praying child gets all he needs,
the longer he spends time on his knees"

Let the Word planted in you grow,
Let it bear fruit and spread more seeds,
And through you, May His Kingdom grow,
God bless you Liz, our one and only sis!!!
We love you and our hearts are always there with you!!!

The College of LIfe

2008-05-29T05:53:00.000-07:00

It was a noisy evening at Besant Nagar beach. Hawkers shouting, ice cream cart bells jingling while lots of people hurried along - some for want of exercise, some towards a destination while many others just wandered around aimlessly. The warm sea breeze carried the smell of freshly roasted corn and other wares that were being prepared by the business-men-of-tomorrow in their temporary set-up stalls. Children ran around in the bright yellow flood light, screaming out calls to their little buddies, chasing balloons, throwing beach balls, building sand-castles, seeking attention in their little innocent sort of way, from adults that were so engrossed in their own worlds. People were there in all sorts of colors, from all sorts of levels and in all sorts of moods.

And there he stood, an old man – educated many years ago, from a system that taught more than what any modern day brick walled institution could possibly do – a philosopher of life, casually observing those passing by. In his satchel, he carried all his worldly possessions – not much but enough for him to keep himself clean and different from the rest of his kind. He was aware of his destiny and fate. He knew his role in life and was content to play it out at his best. Some of us will never be aware of our roles as he was. He was himself. Each step, a carefully placed step, each shuffle a pre-conceived thought that became an action. He did not take walking for granted. To him it was an art, it was a task, and it was not easy.

Walking carefully towards those seated, he adjusted his thick rimmed glasses, and fixed a toothless smile on his old wrinkled face. He carefully looked through the crowd, assessing each person, one by one. He did not want much. He just needed whatever it took to satisfy his needs. Many years had taught him who to ask and how. He smiled. A preoccupied young man was sitting all alone, casually keying away words on his cell phone. Asking preoccupied people for what you needed usually had two kinds of consequences – they either asked you to go away or they gave you what you needed.

“Sir, could you please spare this old man a meal or something to drink?” he asked the young man seated in the crowd that seemed totally oblivious to his existence. The old man’s voice had a slight British accent. He could have been a very learned man. There definitely was more to him than what met the eye. There was a charisma in his eye that caught the young man’s attention – a joy in doing the job he did. Curiosity got the better of the young man. He had never been approached by a beggar that spoke such good English before. It bothered him a bit somewhere at the back of his mind. It was quite unusual. Many questions plagued him - inconsequential questions that would never be answered because they would never be asked. Yet they raced on through his young head.

Dipping his hand into his wallet, he smiled. He did not have much, but he did have ten rupees. Looking back at the old man, he said. ‘Uncle, I do not have a lot of money, but this is all I can give you now.’, giving the old man the money. This was more than what the old man usually got when he asked. He stretched his wrinkled arms upward and thanked God loudly. Gazing back into the young man’s eyes, he saw curiosity written all over his face. He felt that some sort of explanation should be given. “Son, I ask God everyday, when I go out to beg, that he should meet my daily needs. I see young people walk up and down this beach, throwing their hard earned money here and there on frivolities that soon pass away.” The young man nodded his head in agreement. “Instead of investing their money in gaining knowledge, they usually satisfy their tongues and tummies. While getting my needs met, i learn more about people than any college or school could teach me.” He pointed upwards to the sky for emphasis and continued, “The stars are my roof and the beach my home. The police may chase me from here to there but one day, this body will not be bothered by that anymore. Till then i thank God for every simple meal I get and for children like you who make it possible for this old man to sleep on a filled stomach. It saddens me a times when people waste money but that is their role in society. For them, that is their destiny.” With that the old man stopped. He smiled at the young man and said “God bless you, Son.” With his needs for the day being satisfied, he slowly hobbled away into the night. A happy and thankful man to a God that heard his prayers.

The young man was left to think. He had always been part of that young crowd the old man spoke about but doubted if he would ever be one again. It felt nice to hear such words of wisdom when you least expected it - especially from people you never expected to hear them from. There was more to life than the petty toys he spent his money on or the wild parties he threw his time and energies into. The happiness he obtained was always fleeting. Everyone had a role to play and for the first time, he realized that he had his too. He knew that for ten rupees, he had learnt the best lesson in the college of Life - God would provide for your needs, just do your part to your best and He will do the rest.

I never loved Shakespeare's smart comments...

2006-04-25T04:37:00.000-07:00

Dark grey clouds fill the sky, as flashes of lightning struggle to touch the earth's skin. I guess it's another one of those days. Everything seems to want to tumble down and whatever you feel is perfect suddenly becomes cheap and soggy. Shakespeare said something about parting being a sweet sorrow so that when those parted, get together again, things would taste so much sweeter but is that really true?

I have had many friends and still shall gather more before my life on earth is over but sometimes its really hard to see the ones you begin to hold so dear to you, get up and move on. You know its for their own good and you know its the best thing that could ever happen for them.. you should be happy.. You should join in the celebrations but can you really enjoy this bittersweet cup of 'seperation' offered to you, knowing that this maybe one of the last times you may get to share common interests or moments together? I maybe immature, i may never be able to understand Shakespeare, but for now? I just wish my buddy would never go.. Things seem so strange on days he's away and now to think that he's going to go for higher studies just cuts me to the heart.. I should be happy.. I should be rejoicing.. Should even cut the fattened calf on this joyous occasion but selfishly, all i can think about is myself.....

" I wish you never had to go, my friend.. i wish we could grow up and be old together.. to see you get married, to watch you have kids, for us to continue to hang out together every weekend just cruising the roads on our bikes... To sit around and laze the way we usually do.. the way that made us feel that there was nothing in the world to worry about... Thanks for putting up with all my dumb jokes and wierd pranks.. For understanding me when everyone else thought i was being crazy or plain stupid... You always found the funny side of whatever I did or said... Work is never going to be the same without you.. I wish you didn't have to go.. But all the best my friend.. All the best... Going to miss you buddy.. Cheers... Cheers..."

Meet General Nut

2006-02-23T02:05:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, dogs, cats and people of all ages, the cow that flew over the moon is dead… the General killed it. Ummmm, how this happened is quite a tale. If you have the time and patience, I’ll get into it right away.. Any objections? …(*pauses for any response….None... ) Okay then, I’ll continue….

Once upon a time, in a city called Chennai, there was a guy whom we know as General Nut. General Nut hates going to work. In fact, it’s one of his worst nightmares. Well, you know how stories usually go… if you have a nightmare, it has gotta happen in the story and so it did in this story but in a more exaggerated, horrifying, macabre manner…(How could this be possible, you’ll ask. Well, be patient and I’ll get right to the answer in a moment.)

……….....................................

( the moment arrives…..)…

.. General Nut had to go to WORK on a WEEKEND.. ARRRGGHHhHHHH!!!! (*this is an original General Nut groan that can be found for sale at any retail groan shop near you, for details please contact your local groan dealer....). The agony, the shock and the trauma experienced by General Nut was too much ( you can probably imagine how he looked that Saturday morning… Well, for those of you who lack imagination, here goes… He had blood shot bulging eyes, disheveled hair, a ruffled unbuttoned shirt and rabbit teeth with big Soda koopi black rimmed appachan spectacles… The coconut oil present in his hair could have been used to prepare a fish fry dish… (* the reasons for this generous application of coconut oil is often misunderstood. This habit dates back to the good old days, when the native malayalees had to create an icon for themselves amongst the foreigners they dwelt with. It was often done by those who wished to remember the fond memories of all the coconut trees present in their native land and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that coconut oil is good for the hair…)

… Well, back to the story…. On this horrible weekend, General Nut got ready and headed for work… He hadn’t had any breakfast… his original groan kept playing like a stuck tape recorder.. People stared…. But that’s what people always do .. especially on weekends.. They don’t really have much to do .. so they stare..

General Nut ripped through the ECR road which was the expressway of Chennai. The bike which ripped along with Him, was a black pulsar. His friend’s own. People love to give General Nut gifts when he groans.. It helps lessen the intensity of his groan… It looked like it would be a good day after all… but that’s when it happened… when things seem to be good, bad things always have to happen.. its like there is someone out there who has this sadistic sense of humor and wishes to keep those morose, morose and those happy, happy… If anything happened otherwise, it would create an unstable equilibrium that would lead to a global catastrophe which would again lead to the collapse of the entire planet and then the solar system and then the failure of the galaxy and finally the entire universe and all her sister parallel universes too…(*this discovery is also known as the SH!T HAPPENS theory..)…and so it HAPPENED…

Unknown to those around, the over-the-moon-jumping-cow has always been a great health nut. Before she jumps over the moon, the proverbial cow used to constantly perform her early morning exercises…. Hop- skip and jump.. hop – skip and jump.. Hop….---- skip---- and jump… and so on and on and on…. Well, on this particular Weekend, our over-the-moon-jumping-cow had been visiting her relatives… She had tried to teach her fellow moo-sters how to perform the remarkable feat of jumping over the moon…As she got carried away while performing the triple jump-over-the-moon event, she ended up landing on the ECR road and became the reason for the remarkable theory that we now know.. (*takes a moment of silence in respect for the cow who sacrificed her life to give us this remarkable theory which we already know is called as SH!T HAPPENS)….

Well, General Nut ended up screwing the black pulsar, his arm and the over-the-moon-jumping-cow… The over-the-moon-jumping-cow died peacefully while General Nut lived to see another day.. so did the pulsar… But in the mean while, horrible tales have been spread around saying that General Nut had something against the over-the-moon-jumping-cow.. But General Nut profusely rejects these rumours and says " It’s a conspiracy by all the cow-lovers to turn all My followers against me"… Well, that’s the tale of General Nut and how he screwed his cow.. errrr.. I mean hand….

General Nut has had many adventures in Chennai but as work beckons, i guess I'll have to leave it for another day.

P.S. - this blog is a product of an extremely bored mind. The author is not responsible for any crazy feelings, frustrations or stress-related injuries caused by reading this. The reader is solely responsible. Have a great day. Thank you.....

Transition

2005-11-07T11:00:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a while since I've got the chance to sit down and blog. Lots of things happened during that interval. I am no longer a college student but an employee at an IT firm called 'The Company', in Chennai. Chennai is a beautiful place with lovely people who are ready to help you if you need it. At the same time, you do find the occasional problem maker among the autorickshaw drivers and the irritated bus conductor. The bus service system is well organised over here. They use a number system which enables any foreigner to get from point A to point B easily. Neat... ( In Trivandrum, one has to know malayalam to board a bus..:-P...)

I landed in Chennai on Sept 1st. From what i had heard from my relatives, i expected Hell City. Well, one good thing about expecting the worst is when you meet something bad, it doesnt seem all that bad. In fact, i was told that we could fry bacon strips on the pavements but ever since i've been to Chennai, its been raining cats and dogs.. I dont reside in the city but in this little village 1 and a half hours drive away from the city... I stay in a little apartment with 3 other swell guys in this family colony called Palani Gardens. This place has all the cleanliness and peace one could long for. In fact, 800m away, lies an Ashram which has a church, a temple, an internet cafe (for those who worship computers ) and a canteen.

Most of the employees of The Company reside over here. Some unfortunate folks are put up at the Ashram. The food here isnt all that bad.... it just requires you to get that acquired taste (something i've noticed over here is ... if you need any curry to go with whatever you eat...be it bread, cornflakes, parottas or fried sausages, you can always rely on Sambhar or Sambar ...). Well, if you like Sambhar or Sambar ..(one with Dhal and the other without..) then this place would be your paradise. People now have Sambhar tea over here which umm is a really interesting combination for breakfast. I am sure if you cut up the average Chennainite, you would find half of his body to be full of Sambhar. If you dont get the averaage Chennainite to cut up and you got the other Chennainite...hmm then what you would find would be Rasaam. Thats the next favourite curry. Eating has been quite an experience over here.

I have noticed that because of the lack of Television and computers, most of us employees spend quality time with each other. Its fun being together over here. Well, i guess i will have to wind up for now though... work beckons and i guess thats what happens to all of us after sometime... we trade our childhood and freedom to become slaves of a stress filled rat race. So I am off now to go earn the bread that should sustain me in the future. God bless you all and take care.....

mockCAT results

2005-08-04T17:29:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen*,

Let me be totally honest with you all... I never wanted these results to get released. Having said that, now try to understand... I didnt lose my hall ticket on purpose.... and thirdly, those marks...ummm, yeah..u see those marks...they hide a potentially remarkable manager...

You see, its like this.... On the 31st of July, Someone had conducted their third All India MockCAT examination. I've recently been reading biographies of different managers and how they made it to the top from very humble beginnings. And THAT's why I wrote the mockCAT.... Totally unprepared and emboldened by the fact that all these great men were once normal guys like me, who just had the zeal and passion to influence other people's lives, I ventured into the examination hall, expecting lil ol' me to perform outstandingly well.... I mean i wanted to get out of that hall with those rainbow colors trailing behind me...aaahhhh... i wanted to dazzle the public with a remarkable feat of no studies and yet wow, such a great score...I mean it was just Maths, Verbals, Reading Comprehension and Data Interpretation...What could have been so tough??. In my ideal world, I was the best..i was exceptionally good..i dazzled the crowd...and it happened a million times....BUT no no no ...not in this world though...(Ironically, i still believe my world's view)

Who would have thought that this exam would have been sooo crappy, that the word crap fails to put enough crap to describe how crappy it was? I mean, I got out of that hall, thanking my stars, that it was a mock exam and not the real thing.... What were they thinking? there were collective moans of despair and it was awful... I watched people stumbling out of the halls clutching their heads between their hands, wailing at how tough it had been.. Doesnt a mock exam tend to inspire confidence? I mean isnt it meant to show you where you have to start preparing? ISNT IT MEANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU? Disillusions my friends, Nothing but disillusions.... I found out the real reason they held that test..... Friends, Indians, ende ponne... understand this... That SOMEONE wants more students... Thats it... THATS WHY THE SOMEONE DISCOURAGED ME...ummm ( * I can hear mutters of do you believe this guy????) Yeah I know, you are saying its my fault that I didnt study but HELLO?? What about the rest who did? HAAAAA!!! Got you there!!! You see, its highly surprising... I did have a lot of expectations set up for my managerial board committee members.... but hmmpphh... they didnt have any rainbow colors either.... Oh well, I guess its up to me to set the example next time..

Well, look.... there's one solution now...yeah all you discouraged guys and gals.. I'm starting a counselling center for the discouraged.. all you need to do is register for a mere fee of Rs.50.. (*its not a rip off..trust me, its a discount from the Rs.500 counter I used to have....)..I assure you, I can tell you why You should write the CAT and why these results should not frighten you.... and how to get about preparing for the examinations... Anyone in need of such support can contact me weekdays during the evenings between 3pm and 5pm.... Please fix an appointment by email first.... You think you can do it on your own? Well, all the best to you....

I seriously believe we all can do it... All we need to do is develop a consistent study plan. Be disciplined.. and get someone who is keen on helping you reach your goals... What do you think? Sounds good? Well people..theres more advice where that came from...Right now, i gotta rush..but trust me, we can do it cause ..IF THERE IS A WILL..THEN THERE HAS GOT TO BE A WAY.... ummm and if you dont seem to be making any progress...i suggest..turn around.. you are probably pushing against a wall...All the best..and God bless you all....

*Note: The contents of this blog are a result of a disturbed mind...reading is done at reader's own risk....

Awake... i guess its real

2005-08-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

It is morning, my eyes are bleary and I really have no clue as to why i am up so early. These days, I seem to be getting lesser and lesser amount of sleep. Well, I guess out of 24 hours, I choose voluntarily to remain awake for 19 to 20 hours daily. Not knowing what to do with this extra time in my hands, I've once again decided (fortunately or unfortunately) to blog.

Lots of things have changed over the past few days. For one, I've been called [FINALLY...] to join up with the Company on Sept. 2nd. This is a major turning point in my life. A mechanical engineering under-graduate headed for a job entirely out of his field. This is going to be interesting. I definitely hope this is not going to turn out as one of those fish-out-of-water-experiences. I mean, coding at school level was fun because I never had to be really good at it- it was okay as long as the logic was correct. [Besides, it was BASIC and C... anyone can learn that!!!!]

When it ceases to be an interest and becomes your source of income- your reason to live, things change. Work sometimes takes away the pleasure/fun in doing things. Though I think, it is all in the mind. Supposing I decided to think that instead of turning up for a job, I was going, instead, for some special class which had practical projects along with it and if my project turned out great, i would get some prize... Would that change my attitude? Would that motivate me? I am not sure. The atmosphere of a special summer class and one of a boss ripping your head off because you cannot meet deadlines, are two entirely different scenes. Given a choice, i would rather go for the first scenario.

Maybe it is not really that bad. Maybe I am just being apprehensive... or maybe what I am getting are really weird premonitions that should be taken seriously. Hmmm.. everything has a reason and a purpose. My being in the company has a purpose. I am glad I am finally going to be a part of this really wild roller coaster ride. As long as I do things correctly and on time, what could go wrong? Well, take lessons from the ant, you sluggard. Dont work because you are told to do so...just do it because it is the right thing to do. Well, the time is coming (or has it finally come) when I'll have to walk around with this plastered smile at everyone else saying "COME AND CELEBRATE WORK!!!!"

That's all for now folks....Now where did I keep my coffee mug?....*runs off for coffee...

Wonder

2005-07-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

Gazing at the countryside
With thoughts racing at 100 miles
My mind's eye remains focussed on You

I hear the birds -Your voice through them
I feel the breeze - Your breath in it
I see the skies explode with color
the wonder of Your hands......

A stone and then a rock
A hill and then the mountain tops
Amazing how they all were made
Ingenious - that's Your style.

Yet inspite of all this Lord,
You love man despite himself
The being made in Your likeness,
With character that denies that

Man - the destructor
You - the Creator...

It is humbling- Your love for me,
Undeserving in every way.
Hear my prayer, dear Lord I plea,
Teach me to love the way You do,
Enable me to be like You.

Amen.

Thinking.....

2005-07-19T00:34:00.000-07:00

Has anyone really ever noticed that no matter how hard you try to catch up with the things you feel are important in your life, the sooner you tend to miss on other things? People say we can do more by making priority lists but doesn't that cause us to neglect other little things that could have been important though we thought they weren't really important? Ironically, this is the story of our lives.

Different people have different views about what's important in life. We rarely tend to give a hoot for other people's dreams or ideals. Our lives circle around ourselves. What is our life's ultimate purpose? At the end of the few years we live, what have we really achieved? Not all of us can be Alfred Nobel or Albert Einstein but yet there are so many ways that we can live a life of fulfillment. Many people have faced this question and few have ended up getting depressed cause they feel they lack a purpose in life.

I wonder, could we all share a common purpose? I guess with our different beliefs, different cultures, different ambitions and different lifestyles I could be wrong to assume that deep down inside, we are basically the same. Sometimes we tend to focus on the small picture while forgetting what the bigger picture is all about. I believe its all about helping each other become better people. I believe that by reducing hunger, one reduces poverty. By meeting the basic needs of our fellow man, we improve the quality of life of the entire human race. Am I talking crazy here? I sincerely, from deep within, don't think so!!! Personally, i feel it is our basic human right to help others become better people by first becoming better ourselves. As in Hey Preacher, practise what you preach!!

When we concentrate our time and effort into getting things done for others, we end up doing the best we can do for Humanity. By just going out of your way to help someone, you have done a very important thing in his or her life. Who says you will be appreciated for what you just did? That may never happen... But when it comes down to doing it again even though you are not commended, would you do it again? I must confess, i fail to help others, as i like to be appreciated for what i do. But then again thats just being small. True greatness would be doing it without the search for praise. I guess the way we can say we spent our lives well, is by looking back and checking out the number of lives we have influence positively.

Well, that's food for thought.. I guess i got to start thinking about what should be really important to me. God bless you all and Take care... Let's make this world a better place..Let's help a brother or sister....:-D

Mizundastood!!!

2005-04-03T01:18:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you feel so misunderstood. There are times, when everyone makes things so legalistic and everything has to be carried out by rules. I'm not saying that rules are bad - rules create order but too much of rules / order makes me feel imprisoned. Some people think its terrible to think in your own way. This is basically because they are bound by the order of the system and any change from that just scares them out of their freaking skin.

Why can't it be seen that white is not essentially 'white' but a mixture of different colors? Why can't people understand that it is not just their view that makes a system function perfectly but a collection of intelligent ideas proposed by different members of the organisation?

I guess when no one listens to what you have to say, it irritates. The first time, it is okay but repeatitive ignorance, can lead to a lot of frustration. Yes, thats what it is! It's frustration. This makes you want to just break out of the system and wreck every single rule that makes you function in "order". It is not always the old rules that make the system cope up with time. Time changes and its essential for the rules to change. It is not always required to be so rigid. If a system has to improve on its efficiency, it has to adapt to change. If I said I thought the rules had to change, most people would probably disagree but why can't they just take the time to look at the idea rather than get scared of 'change'?

It's probably the fear of living outside the system that causes everyone to be bound by the same old rules. Well, we have to improve the system, or all you people will just have to put out the fire that is burning within me. Till then, I am just going to be so Mizundastood!!!!

Deception Point

2005-03-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

*The results are out!!!! Yippee!!!! Yaaaay!!!! Rejoice everybody, the results are out!!!! If you expect me to do that, think again. As an ardent believer in the art of procrastination, I guess I'll get to do the rejoicing some other day. And for those elderly folk who believe that their children should go to college to study- HELLO!!! WAKE UP!!! Smell the coffee!!! At least I don't. It's pretty difficult to live normally when people expect miracles from you. All I can do is convert wine into water (and that my friend, is one helluva miracle to me!!!)

Ever since I joined college, my relatives have always expected some kind of magic show, or some display of remarkable talent....unfortunately, I'm the laziest creature in God's entire creation! I am a Man*. It's not something I'm ashamed of - if everyone was hard working, who would play the fiddle? All I've got to do is watch out for winter.

Well, I did teach my folks the art of being the legendary CETian "Waple" (which is a great achievement, mind you!!!) The legendary "waple" status is bestowed only on the cream of society - Waples, today, are highly eminent people. From Sweepers, certain Professors, various Government officials, Politicians, to Prime Ministers and leading rulers of different countries, the "Waple culture" has left its mark. Someone once said that Mr.Bu** was a "waple" but i beg to differ. The guy bombed "Half-gharn" and "eye-rack". Waples dont have the time for such unimportant things. Besides, we are truly peace loving people! We dont waste our time picking fights with people!

Well, if anyone else wants to know how long a "waple" can procrastinate, i would like you all to take a look at the date this blog was started originally - March 6th,2005. And today, is March 28th, 2005. A "waple" always does things on time. It is just not in "YOUR" time but in "waple" time. Anyways, thats enough about Waples. I think it is time to rejoice about the Marks now. I mean after 22 days, i can feel the joy welling up inside. Yes, this little guy doesn't have to reappear for any of the previous semester's exams. For this, I thank the "Waple Society of India" for their crash course notes..( they have the best collection) and I also want to thank someone up there for watching out for all the "waples" down here. It only goes to show that God loves Waples more than anyone else.

* Not all men are lazy. But research says majority are.

Rachel

2005-02-28T00:17:00.000-08:00

I met Rachel* today. It’s shameful to note the way I take many things in life for granted. Rachel is an autistic 18year old, born into the average middle income family. Her parents never had any bad habit that would serve as the reason for her being so. They never did drugs, cigarettes or alcohol. So who do we blame then? *Pause… See! That’s a very common line of thought. Everyone thinks someone has to be responsible for the way Rachel is. If we don’t blame her parents, then it’s got to be God’s fault. Why?

Tara* is Rachel’s 23 year old elder sister. She doesn’t treat Rachel in any way different than she would any other sibling. It’s true that she has to be more patient and a little more considerate but would she really be the sweet person she is if she didn’t have a sister like Rachel? Tara also happens to be Rachel’s best friend. Unfortunately, a month ago, Tara moved out to Bangalore to work at Satyam Computer Services Limited. Rachel is lucky to have parents who love her but right now, she feels very lonely.

Autism is not demon possession. Current research indicates that anything that can produce structural or functional damage to the central nervous system can also produce the condition of Autism. Certain viruses and known genetic conditions are associated with Autism. There are families that have more than one child with autism. At present, it is believed that about 10% of all cases can be accounted for genetically. It is difficult to tell why a child has autism since researchers believe the problem to be caused by different factors, and in most cases, the cause is never known. Autism is not caused by an unhappy home environment, both parents working, mental stress during the pregnancy, poor handling by the mother, an emotional trauma, or other psychological factors. You cannot cause a child to become autistic. It’s not a freaky thing to be scared of. It can’t be predicted and usually occurs within the first 5 years of the child’s birth.

We could end up wondering “Why God?” or “Is there a God?” and so on and so forth. I believe that Rachel’s purpose in life is to make us better human beings. If we could just take the time to sit down and have the patience to listen to the interpretations of life by an autistic child, we would learn a lot more about ourselves. Rachel is intelligent. She learns quickly. She picks up a lot from the media around her. Her parents carefully censor what she views. Currently Rachel is learning how to type at a convent. She loves artwork. At lunch, she helped herself to the things she preferred to eat. She may have the tendency to overeat but doesn’t show it today. Rachel is very possessive about her toys and the people she loves. As she sang songs during the “Praise and Worship” session, I found myself wondering if she knew who she was singing to or what she was singing about. Looking at her face, I couldn’t help noticing the sheer delight that spread over it as she sang. Did she know something about the Creator I didn’t? It makes me think. While most people play the blame game and feel it’s a curse, I look at Rachel and thank God for such a blessing in my life. You may feel it’s easy for me to say so but Rachel happens to be my niece. I love her and the lessons she has taught me. I thank God for showing me Rachel today.

*names have been changed to protect identities.

To Blog or Not To Blog

2005-02-19T23:11:00.000-08:00

I am a bit apprehensive to let everyone know what I feel or think. It’s probably the ‘turtle syndrome’ that caught me as a kid. There’s this nagging feeling that I’ll never be good enough or the best and it prevents me from starting anything I feel I can’t excel at. Is it an inferiority complex or a perfectionist’s melodrama? I’m not too sure myself. Hell, enough of the crap…It has got to be just plain laziness!!! Mistakes have been made but others will be blamed!! ( i just had to throw this line in as it was one of my favourite phrases!!!)

Now..where was I? Hmmm.... ah haah!!! Introspection..pttoiieeee!!!…. I used to think I was good at it but that was just some bloody delusion. I was never and will never be good at interpreting others probably because I have never ever understood myself. Now don’t say Huh? I'm sure no one really understands themselves. Sometimes, something keeps sending me mixed signals which leaves me in a comically confused state. Staring into the mirror, I keep wondering “who is that staring back at me?” And looking back at the things I’ve done or said, I feel like screaming out perpetually “It wasn’t me!!! It was some awful creature in the mirror!!! Look there and you’ll see what I mean!!!!” (Talk about having issues!!!) Sometimes it’s a green eyed monster with boils and scabs all over its dry scaly skin or it’s the red haired beast with dark purple eyes and then there are times when its just a cute little pink fuzz ball with long bunny ears that looks so sweet, cute and cuddly. In the end, when the haze fades away, it’s just a hooded skeleton in some dark empty space, pointing its long bony finger back at me blaming me for everything I swear I never did.

Well, if I scare myself so much, why in heaven’s name should I let the whole world know about the internal demons that claw at and torment me each time I try to blog? This leads me back to the topic “To blog or not to blog”..... I guess just typing this out is probably the only sane thing I'd confess to but if this ever goes online, I swear it was that crazy obnoxious spiked up purple porcupine that's hell bent on ruining my reputation...... It wasn’t me!!!!