To Blog or Not To Blog

I am a bit apprehensive to let everyone know what I feel or think. It’s probably the ‘turtle syndrome’ that caught me as a kid. There’s this nagging feeling that I’ll never be good enough or the best and it prevents me from starting anything I feel I can’t excel at. Is it an inferiority complex or a perfectionist’s melodrama? I’m not too sure myself. Hell, enough of the crap…It has got to be just plain laziness!!! Mistakes have been made but others will be blamed!! ( i just had to throw this line in as it was one of my favourite phrases!!!)

Now..where was I? Hmmm.... ah haah!!! Introspection..pttoiieeee!!!…. I used to think I was good at it but that was just some bloody delusion. I was never and will never be good at interpreting others probably because I have never ever understood myself. Now don’t say Huh? I'm sure no one really understands themselves. Sometimes, something keeps sending me mixed signals which leaves me in a comically confused state. Staring into the mirror, I keep wondering “who is that staring back at me?” And looking back at the things I’ve done or said, I feel like screaming out perpetually “It wasn’t me!!! It was some awful creature in the mirror!!! Look there and you’ll see what I mean!!!!” (Talk about having issues!!!) Sometimes it’s a green eyed monster with boils and scabs all over its dry scaly skin or it’s the red haired beast with dark purple eyes and then there are times when its just a cute little pink fuzz ball with long bunny ears that looks so sweet, cute and cuddly. In the end, when the haze fades away, it’s just a hooded skeleton in some dark empty space, pointing its long bony finger back at me blaming me for everything I swear I never did.

Well, if I scare myself so much, why in heaven’s name should I let the whole world know about the internal demons that claw at and torment me each time I try to blog? This leads me back to the topic “To blog or not to blog”..... I guess just typing this out is probably the only sane thing I'd confess to but if this ever goes online, I swear it was that crazy obnoxious spiked up purple porcupine that's hell bent on ruining my reputation...... It wasn’t me!!!!