Rachel

I met Rachel* today. It’s shameful to note the way I take many things in life for granted. Rachel is an autistic 18year old, born into the average middle income family. Her parents never had any bad habit that would serve as the reason for her being so. They never did drugs, cigarettes or alcohol. So who do we blame then? *Pause… See! That’s a very common line of thought. Everyone thinks someone has to be responsible for the way Rachel is. If we don’t blame her parents, then it’s got to be God’s fault. Why?

Tara* is Rachel’s 23 year old elder sister. She doesn’t treat Rachel in any way different than she would any other sibling. It’s true that she has to be more patient and a little more considerate but would she really be the sweet person she is if she didn’t have a sister like Rachel? Tara also happens to be Rachel’s best friend. Unfortunately, a month ago, Tara moved out to Bangalore to work at Satyam Computer Services Limited. Rachel is lucky to have parents who love her but right now, she feels very lonely.

Autism is not demon possession. Current research indicates that anything that can produce structural or functional damage to the central nervous system can also produce the condition of Autism. Certain viruses and known genetic conditions are associated with Autism. There are families that have more than one child with autism. At present, it is believed that about 10% of all cases can be accounted for genetically. It is difficult to tell why a child has autism since researchers believe the problem to be caused by different factors, and in most cases, the cause is never known. Autism is not caused by an unhappy home environment, both parents working, mental stress during the pregnancy, poor handling by the mother, an emotional trauma, or other psychological factors. You cannot cause a child to become autistic. It’s not a freaky thing to be scared of. It can’t be predicted and usually occurs within the first 5 years of the child’s birth.

We could end up wondering “Why God?” or “Is there a God?” and so on and so forth. I believe that Rachel’s purpose in life is to make us better human beings. If we could just take the time to sit down and have the patience to listen to the interpretations of life by an autistic child, we would learn a lot more about ourselves. Rachel is intelligent. She learns quickly. She picks up a lot from the media around her. Her parents carefully censor what she views. Currently Rachel is learning how to type at a convent. She loves artwork. At lunch, she helped herself to the things she preferred to eat. She may have the tendency to overeat but doesn’t show it today. Rachel is very possessive about her toys and the people she loves. As she sang songs during the “Praise and Worship” session, I found myself wondering if she knew who she was singing to or what she was singing about. Looking at her face, I couldn’t help noticing the sheer delight that spread over it as she sang. Did she know something about the Creator I didn’t? It makes me think. While most people play the blame game and feel it’s a curse, I look at Rachel and thank God for such a blessing in my life. You may feel it’s easy for me to say so but Rachel happens to be my niece. I love her and the lessons she has taught me. I thank God for showing me Rachel today.

*names have been changed to protect identities.

To Blog or Not To Blog

I am a bit apprehensive to let everyone know what I feel or think. It’s probably the ‘turtle syndrome’ that caught me as a kid. There’s this nagging feeling that I’ll never be good enough or the best and it prevents me from starting anything I feel I can’t excel at. Is it an inferiority complex or a perfectionist’s melodrama? I’m not too sure myself. Hell, enough of the crap…It has got to be just plain laziness!!! Mistakes have been made but others will be blamed!! ( i just had to throw this line in as it was one of my favourite phrases!!!)

Now..where was I? Hmmm.... ah haah!!! Introspection..pttoiieeee!!!…. I used to think I was good at it but that was just some bloody delusion. I was never and will never be good at interpreting others probably because I have never ever understood myself. Now don’t say Huh? I'm sure no one really understands themselves. Sometimes, something keeps sending me mixed signals which leaves me in a comically confused state. Staring into the mirror, I keep wondering “who is that staring back at me?” And looking back at the things I’ve done or said, I feel like screaming out perpetually “It wasn’t me!!! It was some awful creature in the mirror!!! Look there and you’ll see what I mean!!!!” (Talk about having issues!!!) Sometimes it’s a green eyed monster with boils and scabs all over its dry scaly skin or it’s the red haired beast with dark purple eyes and then there are times when its just a cute little pink fuzz ball with long bunny ears that looks so sweet, cute and cuddly. In the end, when the haze fades away, it’s just a hooded skeleton in some dark empty space, pointing its long bony finger back at me blaming me for everything I swear I never did.

Well, if I scare myself so much, why in heaven’s name should I let the whole world know about the internal demons that claw at and torment me each time I try to blog? This leads me back to the topic “To blog or not to blog”..... I guess just typing this out is probably the only sane thing I'd confess to but if this ever goes online, I swear it was that crazy obnoxious spiked up purple porcupine that's hell bent on ruining my reputation...... It wasn’t me!!!!